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By Jackie
Fine | SPECIAL TO SACOBSERVER.COM
He put his tongue in my mouth and left it there. Gave it a little wiggle. With that, my junior high boyfriend introduced me to French kissing.
I don't want to knock him, really. At thirteen, most guys have barely gotten over sticking their tongues out at people. I suddenly expected him to be competent with putting his in another person's mouth.
It got better, of course. I'm a wild fan of even the softest kiss from my partner. Not everyone is so lucky, however. I recently met a young woman who said she hated French kissing until her most recent boyfriend. Trust me, this girl does not shy away from physical activity with her partner; I've heard some stories.
I don't think her case is so rare though, sad to say. It's easy to grow up watching movie stars kiss on the screen and assume making out to be a simple, mindless procedure. Close your eyes, find the lips, open wide. But it turns out each person has a unique kissing method.
I remember another boyfriend, much later than the first kiss. He had a technique unlike anyone else. His tongue took a more active role then slowly locked into a specific, almost domineering pattern as the moments heated up. At first, it took me back slightly. I enjoyed it, but needed to adjust. Once we found a sort of kissing equilibrium where we both understood our roles, our mouths rarely parted.
That chemistry is the important part. Sometimes from the first moment your lips meet your partner's, everything plays out beautifully. Other times it may take a while. Once you find the movements that please you both, you won't be able to stop.
Although, the kissing technique doesn't stop there. Even couples that have been together for years can learn something new. If that fits you, or if you're having trouble making that kissing connection with someone, let me offer some advice.
First off: hygiene. I know, it sounds silly to mention, but please, take care of your mouth. Guys, if you've had a couple of drinks after work and want to kiss your wife when you get home, at the very least try a mint. Even the simple effect of being away from a toothbrush or sugarless gum all day causes our breath to turn a little stale. I hate to side with the dentist, but going so far as to floss will also raise your kissability several levels.
Once you've dealt with hygiene and have moved into kissing, don't lose focus. We're always focusing on the next technique or movement we hope will happen in an intimate encounter. But as soon as your brain quits thinking about your mouth, your kissing talent wavers.
It's like every other aspect of your relationship. Pay attention to your partner. Let them lead for a while. Alternate, explore, and mimic their movements. Think of kissing as a dance where the lead changes back and forth, or doesn't exist at all. The two of you move together. Kissing should flow between you.
Don't let the flow stop afterwards. Think of maintaining a kissing flow throughout your day. A day should be one passionate kiss with moments of separation. Even the small peck on the cheek as you pass in the hall can communicate that sense of togetherness and mutual movement.
Everyone can use a little kiss revamping from time to time. Even if you think your technique is flawless, try paying a bit more attention to yourself and your partner next time. Remember, it's not in their eyes, their sighs, their charm, or their embrace. Like Cher said, love is in the kiss.
Jackie Fine has been a relationships expert for the past
14 years. She emphasizes openness and the fact that no
subject is taboo.
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